Thursday, October 07, 2004

World Exclusive LT Interview !!!!

This is Liberal Thunderdome's first world exclusive interview. Originally, we were hoping to get Ted Kennedy for this interview, but we had scheduling conflicts. Sorry Ted, our bad. So we had the next best thing, an interview with our own Lord Humungus.

Question 1: LH, in public, Dick Cheney is stereotyped as a lovable, huggable teddy bear. Based on your own personal knowledge of the VP, who's the real Dick Cheney? Is this an honest portrayal?

Lord Humungus: Huggability is notoriously difficult to measure. I always felt that Louie Anderson was a particularly huggable fellow, sort of the anti-Corey Haim, who's simply unhuggable on any rational level. Cheney certainly has that Anderson-esque quality of dry humor and partial obesity, and yet I just don’t feel comfortable with him. maybe its the fact that he's pathologically dishonest and startlingly disinterested in the use of government to help people who don't belong to his country club.

Question2: LT is accused of having a liberal bias. Under what circumstances would you vote for Bush?

Lord Humungus: I think if he was running against an eggplant, I would have to consider his candidacy. At least ask the tough questions, you know, what would the eggplant do about north korea, was the eggplant in Cambodia in 1968, that kind of thing. Try to level the playing field.

Question 3: How would you feel about the Southeastern United States, with the exception of Florida, seceding from the nation? Bad idea or tonic for the nation's ills?

Lord Humungus: I think secession is a very underrated strategy for getting the US back on track. dumping the south would certainly cost America in terms of the quality of our college football, but otherwise its a dramatic gain. given the fact that the south is a giant federal tax vampire, not to mention the home of nearly all the lowest ranking states in terms of education, health care, etc... I just don’t see any negatives to it. maybe we could get the university of Miami to play its non-conference games internationally.

Question 4: Elton John recently attacked Madonna for lip-synching during her concerts. Any way this might impact the Presidential election?

Lord Humungus: I found John's attacks deeply troubling. here's a guy who regularly wore giant eyeglasses on stage, which appeared to serve no medically-necessitated optometric purpose, nor did they provide significant corneal UV protection. so if he's talking about honesty and integrity on stage, well, glass houses and all that.

Question 5: If and when the networks do a telemovie on Bush's life, what former child star would best portray him?

Lord Humungus: Does Pauly Shore count as a child star ? because I think playing bush is a dramatic stretch he could really make. i feel like their careers are following similar arcs anyway. maybe Adam rich is the obvious choice though. I’m going with Kirk Cameron. he always had that vacuous charm and intellectual shallowness; now he has the religious fundamentalism to match. obvious question is 'can he deliver on the smirk ?' I say yes.

Question 6: Were the Reagan years all that bad if they gave us the A-Team, Charles in Charge AND My Two Dads?

Lord Humungus: I think its absurd to assume that Reagan’s policies were in any way responsible for the sitcom renaissance of the period. its like holding him responsible for the eruption of mount st. helens. or Iran-contra. the man simply wasn’t intellectually capable of such profound influence. the reality is that all three of those shows represent a unity of cosmic circumstance that brought together a pair of incendiary talents at the dawn of their respective careers. Aames and Baio, Reiser and Evigan, and of course Benedict and 'T'. all three pairings the result of some kind of celebrity pareto-optimality wherein the arcs of their early ascent to stardom crossed paths and produced brilliance. sure, its tempting to suggest that supply-side economics may have produced a fertile environment for this kind of entertainment epiphany, but Arthur Laffer I’m not.

Question 7: Any chance that Tom Delay will switch parties before the election?

Lord Humungus: I think its entirely possible. when the moderate wing of the GOP insisted on removing the 'Liberal Round-Up and Branding Provisions' from USA PATRIOT, he seemed pretty pissed. i think that if he can bludgeon enough reactionaries into giving money, Fascist Party USA would become awful tempting.

Question 8: How long do you think Bush would really last if stranded in the road warrior wasteland?

Lord Humungus: Another tough question. lets put it this way - given his military record, its safe to say that unless he can find something to trade to the marauding mutant bikers for protection (the twins ?), the guy is going to end up with a boomerang in his skull. sure, his close relationship to oil is an advantage, but as they say in the Thunderdome, 'death is listening, and he'll take the first man who screams . . .'

MasterBlaster: Thanks LH.

Lord Humungus: No, thank you.


Post a Comment

<< Home